Ode to Bill Maher
Thank God for white boys like Bill Maher. I can see how a chick like Superhead could take a liking to him. I wish Bill stayed across the street from me instead of the scarecrow and his wife with the Palin/McShame sign in their yard.
Have you ever watched his show? I watch Bill’s Maher’s show and I wonder about my neighbor across the street. He’s surely never seen the show. How the fuck could he have? If he’d seen the show just once there’d be no way he could put that sign in his yard. No way. I bet you he’s filtered out all the news channels on his cable box except FUX News. (Hannity, the OTHER white meat!) I hope Obama’s still keeping up with my blog and decides to go with my split the country in half plan. The cool thing is that I talked to Bill and he’s definitely gonna move to our side. So at least we’ll still have cool TV. Those fuckers will be stuck watching the 700 club as the Taliban quietly Mike Vick their pets in the night.
I found it ironic that the show I caught yesterday with Gary Shandling and Christian Amanpour and Alec Baldwin had a segment on it called Exit Strategy where Bill highlights yet another good country to bail to as the bottom falls out of this one. What a fuckin’ mess. But Maher says he’s not leaving. He’s gonna stay and try and help clean up the mess. I guess this is where we decide if we’re really Americans or not. Cheney already bought himself a crib in Dubai. Maybe it’s just a vacation home though… Or maybe King george and the klan decided long ago that they didn’t give a fuck about America any more. I think that premise holds the most promise. These cocksuckers are architects. With all the resources at their disposal there is NO EXCUSE for the state of the nation. NO FUCKING EXCUSE! These sons of bitches should be on trial with O.J.! Do you hear me?
I didn’t even know they had snuck the Detroit bailout in under our fuckin’ noses. I didn’t even hear about it. Thank God Bill Maher’s white ass is on HBO because I wouldn’t have found out until I’d picked through the news for the first half of today. These fuckers have quietly handed the U.S. automotive industry an $85,000,000,000 (yeah, billion) bailout. Where is the fucking money coming from? Are we borrowing it from the Iraq “war” budget? And when do I get mine? I ain’t happy about MY fuckin’ financial situation! When the fuck do they bail ME out this muthafucka? Can a nigga get a BAILOUT in this bitch!!!???
Sorry about that. I got carried away.
But seriously, niggas got a difficult decision to make. As the descendants of slaves do we go down with the slave ship? Are we once again gonna try to save massa from the burning building as our own children die of smoke inhalation in the next room? I know. It’s a toughy. Especially when we’ve grown to love massa more than we love ourselves. It’s gonna be tough. Tough to relinquish all the power we hold here. Tough to relinquish all of our sundry assets and the sway we hold over national politics and the direction of our nation. Are you fucking kidding me? If we’re smart we’ll do whatever the fuck Bob Johnson, Oprah and Michael Jordan tell us to do in our 12% of the new nation. It’ll probably be easiest to just give niggas Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee and maybe South Carolina. Since most of us live in the southeast anyway it’ll probably be the easiest logistical move.
We’ll take all of real professional sports (y’all can keep that fake ass nascar bullshit) and tax the living shit out of them for anybody who wants to watch on TV or come to an actual event. Sports will be one of our top national cash crops. You wanna see the nigga run??? Well it’s gonna cost ya bitch. Wink wink. We’ll also nationalize the crack cocaine and marijuana drug trades so that another of our major national revenue sources will come from exporting what’s currently killing us. It’ll take time, but hey, we’ll have time. But what if Bob Johnson and Oprah and Mike all got cribs in Dubai too? Most niggas can’t even afford a ticket to gotdamm Dubai. So for all the broke ass niggas who ain’t gonna have a choice but to stay here with Bill Maher’s white ass you better get involved. You better learn to farm or weld or produce some shit. Nigga, take a night class. Shit’s bout to get real around here. And if you’re not registered or don’t add value in some fuckin’ way then you are a threat and will very likely be eliminated. Y’all seriously need to read Ocatavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower. Apocalyptic? Yes. Appropriate? Hell yes.
And remember, before you take the next bite. Soilent green is people!